1. The Beginning
This is the story of how I met and married my lovely bride, ShuPing.
I first began writing this chapter in the story of my life simply for myself, ShuPing, my daughter, my son and any future children. When I realized that many of my friends (especially at the internet BBS "Candle For Love") wanted to know the story, I thought it would be good to give the highlights and post them on the internet. I also had lots of digital photos and the only way to show them to everyone was to post them. So I bought this web site and posted all of this on it. Now friends and family anywhere in the world will be able to read it and see our pictures.
When I realized that the highlights were taking up a lot more to than a few pages, I began thinking I could write a book about my experiences. Then I thought a book could also bring some awareness to the hardship of the many people who must be separated from their husbands and wives, children and fiancées because of the US beurocratic system. It takes an inordinate amount of time to get these folks here to America. So this site is about more than our story, its about the men, women and children elsewhere in the world who wait patiently to be united with their loved ones in the United States.
The story of how ShuPing and I got together started about a year before we actually met. The events that led up to our meeting played a large part in our coming together. I hope it answers some questions for those who have asked me, "Why would you marry someone from another country? Why would you marry someone youve only met on the internet? Are you crazy?" Well, you decide.
My ex-wife and I were just getting over selling our money pit house. We rented a very nice house in April in a quiet Denver suburb. Our son, Nathaniel was happy and doing well in school and sports. I had just gotten a new job after being laid off from Qwest for about 6 months. Life seemed to be going along pretty well.
She and I had problems though, old wounds that kept bleeding and in September she decided that she wanted to move on without me. We decided that, for Nathaniel's sake and the fact that neither of us could afford to pay the rent alone, we would both stay in the house, her upstairs and me downstairs.
I tried to hold on to the relationship for a while, but after Christmas, my eyes were abruptly opened and I came to understand that she wasn't the person I thought she was. The funny thing was that she never was that person.
I wanted to make a change in my life and one of those changes was meeting other women. I joined a couple of on-line dating services and met a couple of women, but nothing that clicked. Along about March I decided to try to make some friends overseas. I had seen personal ads for women from all over the world and I've always been interested in other cultures and other people, so I wrote to several women. I received replies from women in Iran, Russia, England, Greece, Thailand and China Many of them I corresponded with for a short time, but only a couple of them really piqued my interest.
The girl in China, ShuPing, lives in Nanning, in the southern part of China and teaches beauty school there. She seemed very sweet and sincere and always positive about hearing from me. She soon became the only one I was really interested in. Occasionally we'd chat on-line and somewhere along the line she arranged to use her friend's web cam. Now we could see each other "face to face" as it were. I soon realized that her honesty and apparent innocence were tugging at my heart strings. I was cautious about calling it love though, I wasn't sure a person could fall in love with someone they had never met "in the flesh".
She soon asked me if I was ever going to come to China. I had never thought about it seriously. I love to travel, but China being on the other side of the world, wasn't my first destination of choice. However, with my new friend living there, I began to think about it. When I told her that I would like to someday, she seemed to take that as a definite "yes" and asked me when. "Ummmm, I think I could make it in November". OK, now I had plans to go to China in November to meet a girl I'd never met and to see a country I knew very little about. I had no idea where the money was going to come from, heck, I didn't even have a passport. No problem, I was up for a little adventure.
Still in doubt about loving someone I'd only met on the internet, I really began to wonder how crazy I was to be thinking about going to China. I continued to write and chat with her. It soon became apparent that I was thinking of this woman all the time and missing her when I couldn't see her. I told her about my feelings, I told her I loved her, even though I cringed when I said it. She replied with, "I love you too". I thought, "Okay, if this really isn't love, at least she's on the other side of the world and I can hide", but that just didn't feel right either. My inner dialogue was a constant debate, "Is it real or is it Memorex? Do I really want this to happen?"
There is something wonderful about a sincere person, you can see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice and feel it from their heart. When ShuPing told me about herself, told me that she missed me, told me that she loved me, and showed concern for my children, (and even my ex), I knew she meant it. It was that sincerity and honesty and openness that I found so refreshing. It was also what made me finally accept that I was in love with her, deeply in love. I felt certain that ShuPing was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
It was during one of our chats on the web cam that I asked her if she wanted to get married and she said, "Yes". Not as romantic as getting on one knee and proposing over dinner, but romance has a face for any situation and, considering how we met, this was as romantic as a knee. So then I had to get myself together and get over to China. I needed to get a passport and a visa, not to mention a plane ticket, all cost money. I was working two jobs anyway, so I had the extra income, no problem then.
2. Beijing on A Prayer
To this point in my life I'd always assumed that once an American married a person from another country, they could get a green card and come to America. This is not the case and I soon found out that the process is a lot more complicated than just getting married.
I was directed to an internet bulletin board created by and for people who want to get a spouse to America from another country, particularly China. I was helped immensely. It turns out that it is a long, drawn out process that can take years in some cases. Typically it takes 8 months to a year, but many times it is a year and a half wait. There are two types of visas for this, the fiancée visa and the spouse visa. I was informed that, depending on where you live in the US, one can be processed a little quicker than the other. Colorado residents apply for the visa in Nebraska, they are notoriously slow and both take the same amount of time to process.
Based on the information I had, we decided to get married right away. This entailed a whole other set of documentation. I had to prove that, not only was I single, since I was divorced, I had to show that I was divorced. I had to show that I had a job also. (Though I found out later that it wasn't necessary). These three documents, An Affidavit of Single Status, my Divorce decree, and a letter from my employer had to be notarized locally, verified by the Secretary of State of Colorado, verified by the US Secretary of State and then approved by the Chinese Consulate in Chicago. I also had to get a certified Chinese translation of each.
So I started the process by applying for a passport. I got that. Then I had to get airplane tickets, I got a great deal on them. Then I had to send my passport to D.C. to get the Chinese visa. I got that. I was going to China. Now to get married. I gathered the documents I needed, had them notarized and headed downtown to the Secretary of State's office. I returned the next day and had the verification. Next I sent it all on to Washington D.C. for the US Secretary Of State's blessing, a week later I got that. I was using FedEx with reckless abandon.
I had about 10 days before I was to leave for Beijing, I looked up the website for the Chinese Consulate in Chicago and found that it would take them 10 business days to process the request. Yikes! I didn't have that much time! I wrote a nice note and put it in the FedEx envelope asking them to please have mercy on me. I had planned that it would be returned to my mom at her work just in case I was already gone.
Many of you know I was waiting at the last minute for my Affidavit of Single Status and Divorce Decree verification from the consulate in Chicago. Well, the night before I was to leave, I checked FedEx and found that they had mailed it late that night. Fortunately I had them send it to my mother, who, in turn sent it UPS to QiQiHaer. I was still apprehensive that we would have it in time.
The flight over was long, but nice. No problem, even saw some beautiful images of the frozen cliffs of the Aleutian Islands peeking through the clouds.
ShuPing met me at the Beijing Capitol airport and we rode (courtesy of Mr. Lao, our taxi driver) to the little hotel that ShuPing had booked for us, (yes, separate rooms). We passed Tienemin Square along the way and many other eye-opening things.
We ate some dinner at a little barbecue stand just a block away. We talked and got used to each other as we'd never actually met face to face before. There was magic and the smell of cooking meat in the air. Hole in the wall doesn't adequately describe the place, but it was romantic, none the less.
I was relieved to find an actual toilet and fascinated by the shower in the bathroom. Some of you will already know about the showers, but it wasn't in a shower stall, but just on the wall. I couldn't get over that everything in the bathroom was going to get wet when I showered.
Next day, Mr. Lo took us to the Great Wall. We rode the little creepers to the top of the hill. For anyone who hasn't been, just imagine being pulled up the side of a hill on one of those creeper things you use to crawl under your car on. I thought it was a little kiddy ride, I didn't know it was taking us to the entrance of the Great Wall.
I proved that I'm a good man, we climbed the steep, uneven steps to the top of the hill. I kept trying to decide if I should try to catch anyone who fell down above me or get out of the way. Fortunately no one fell. What a great view.
We visited a wax museum of Chinese Imperial history. I had my first experience of eating a real meal in a real Chinese restaurant. We spent the rest of the day and the next running errands. I was just fascinated with everything and my beautiful girl.
3. QiQiHaer and Mama
We took a train to QiQiHaer that afternoon. I got to experience the discomfort of a Chinese train ride. We approached QiQIHaer and I asked ShuPing how to say "Pleased to meet you". She told me "Gee yen dow ni, hun gow shein". I practiced and practiced and practiced. I had it down pat. Her family met us at the station the next morning. QiQiHaer was as cold as advertised. When I met her family I couldn't remember it to save my life. I mumbled something about "gun jow knee" and everyone got a big laugh out of it.
We rode to Mama's house and I got to meet my new Mama. Her home is one of the poor little shacks that are packed together in certain little neighborhoods. No inside bathroom and no running hot water. I simply took in the whole experience and tried to remember who was who in my new family.
We had a couple meals that day. I found out that people in this part of the country really like to drink. Er Guo (2nd brother) brought out a big jug of homebrew with lots of different things floating in it. I wasn't sure, so I asked for only a little. I shot that in one gulp during the first toast and was instructed to sip it. I had bought gifts of Jack Daniels for my brothers in law and they thought I should drink that instead. Seeing the need to make an impression on my new brothers, I got pretty toasted with them.
Er Guo decided that he'd drink the Jack with me. So after finishing his First full glass of home brew, he had a couple more glasses with me. At some point, I felt th need to find the facilities, so Er Guo took me by the hand and we went out to the out house, where again I was amazed to find four rectangular holes in the concrete and I wondered how anyone could use these holes.
Er Guo soon felt the pain of mixing his liquor and passed out, only to wake up later to hurl his cookies. I, on the other hand, just felt drunk and sat around in a stupor the rest of the night.
We spent the first night in QiQiHaer at Mama's house. I was honored to be given the bedroom and only bed for the night. Everyone else (Mama, Er Guo, sister-in-law, grandson and ShuPing) slept on a 6' x 12' brick platform in the living room. I figured out that it was the chimney from the cooking fire in the kitchen.
ShuPing instructed me to use the chamber pot if I needed to in the night, a real treasure at 5 AM when the temp outside had to have been below 0.
On the second day there, ShuPing received a phone call. When she hung up she had the biggest smile on her face. She said that she had to go to a hotel to pick up the documents that my mother had sent via UPS. We rejoiced!, now we could get married.
The next day or so was spent visiting family and trying to decide who we would displace when we returned with our marriage certificate. ShuPing told me that it was tradition for a family member to give up their home for the newlyweds. We decided to take 4th sister's apartment. A small place located in the city and close to everything. It thankfully had a toilet, but not any hot water or a shower.
Speaking of showers, because there are few showers in homes, there are public showers. I don't know if this is true for all of China or just North China, but it was the case in QiQIHaer. It was decided that we needed to bathe, so my new brothers in law and a nephew took me to the local bath house. Now I'm as secure in my manhood as the next guy, but there are times when it gets put to the test.
I was already a source of great interest in a place where there are simply no white guys, period. Walking down the street produced lots of stares and I was fully clothed. Imagine the curiosity I created walking around naked. I'm not a real hairy guy, but I can boast a nice crop of chest hair and, without going into great detail, there were other apparent physical differences. Nonetheless, I continued on bravely.
After a quick shower, we sat in the steam room for 5 mins. Then I was directed to lay on a table, much like a massage table. There was a plastic film on it and warm water dashed over it, so I laid down. A young man, who I was sure had never seen a white man before, let alone a naked one, began to scrub my body with a scouring pad. It wasn't near as painful as it sounds, but I did notice that he was scrubbing the top layer of my skin away. No problem, I've got 6 more. He scrubbed from head to toe and everywhere in between. He touched me in places only doctors and lovers have touched, though not intentionally, so I let it go.
It was indeed refreshing and an experience I could only shake my head at. After another shower to wash the dead skin away, we all sat around in the locker room and drip dried. I'm hoping the conversation that went on was about sports or politics, but I can only imagine that it concerned the funny look on my face. I think it was, however, another bonding experience for my brothers and I. It works in China, but I don't know that it would work here in the states.
4. Harbin and the Ice Monkey
We left QiQiHaer early in the morning of the 19th heading to Harbin. This was a commuter train so it was packed. The train ride from Beijing to QiQiHaer was a sleeping train and had the hard cots with not enough headroom, but at least it was romantic with a full moon to share with my airen. The commuter train wouldn't have been romantic if it had been empty, I'm a fairly tall individual and the lack of leg room nearly killed me.
There are 3 seats facing 3 seats on each side of the train with about 2 feet in between the seat in front of you. The lady in front of me was kind enough to let me stretch one leg out under her seat and she did the same under mine, but 3 and a half hours later as we pulled into Harbin station, I was sure I would fall on my face when I stood up. Fortunately there were enough bodies pressed together to hold me up when I did stand.
I should say that there is a certain sense of privacy in being the only English speakers in such a crowded space. I felt we could talk about anything and no one would know what we were saying. We did have some quality time together in that sense.
ShuPing's niece met us at the station and we took a cab from there straight to the Marriage Certificate office. Finding a cab at the station seemed to be particularly frustrating for them. We found several empty cabs but for some reason, which I still don't understand, we couldn't find one that would take us to the office. I think it had something to do with hotels, but I'm not sure. I know that we had to run a gauntlet of hotel solicitors at every train station we went to. Eventually, we did find someone to take us.
The folks at this government office weren't particularly kind and accommodating, but they weren't rude either. With the single exception of the photographer. He was an older guy who really seemed to enjoy his job, he was capturing a happy moment in time for many, many people.
We filled out the required paperwork with only an occasional call to HouLi, ShuPing's other niece who is pretty fluent in English. We left the office with instructions to return at 1:30 to pick up our certificates. This really pleased ShuPing, though I didn't catch the significance until days later. Basically, they had told her that it was all approved and we just had to return to pick it up.
We then went to pick-up HouLi to have lunch. She took us to a very nice German brewery/restaurant. It was still Chinese food, just served in a micro-brewery with American country music playing in the background. Yes, another surreal moment. All the beer in the place is free, you just have to pay for the meal. We had 3 types, dark, pilsner and green, which, after talking to HouLi, I think was made from blue-green algae or spirulina. It wasn't bad, but the pilsner was delicious.
Here's where things start getting good. HouLi, it turns out, works for the provincial government's public affairs office as a liaison for agricultural issues. Her English is pretty good and it is amazingly refreshing to be able to converse with someone who understands enough to have an extended conversation. She was very curious about how ShuPing and I met and how we knew we wanted to get married based solely on our interaction on the internet. She was frank about her concerns, but after the lunch, she said she felt good about me and my relationship with her aunt.
She also cleared up a lot of things for ShuPing. Things that I just couldn't adequately explain to her. Things like the whole visa process, life in America and the adjustments that ShuPing would have to make. HouLi was a Godsend and would prove even more so later.
We left with plans to drop HouLi off at her office and pick up our marriage certificates while she booked a hotel room for us. We did so and with very little trouble, we paid the clerk for the certificates and papers. I was ready to leave, headed for the door and ShuPing said we had to go to another office. OK, no problem.
I'll go ahead and include my impressions of this office, even though it was insignificant, I think it is a good glimpse into Chinese culture. There was a gentleman and three ladies working in this very small office. The man was smoking and chit-chatting with 2 of the girls as they wrote e-mail on Yahoo China. He appeared to be the supervisor and did some wandering around which made him seem importantly busy. The other lady helped us with our paperwork, calling the supervisor over for final approval. No one seemed to be in any hurry, not that we were, but there was no stress on "Turnover! Turnover!". ShuPing said that I had to pay the lady and I thought, "Didn't we just pay upstairs?", but I learned to just do as I was told.
We left and met HouLi. She said that because the Snow and Ice Festival was starting, all the hotels were booked up, she couldn't find a room for us. Fortunately, her boss had just left town and would be gone for a week, so she was able to get his private room for us, and at a discount. She took us to a nice hotel, not a 5 star, but definitely a good 4 star called the Center Hotel. She said that no one is ever allowed to use this room, but she managed to coerce the hotel manager. Instead of the normal 1000RMB per night, we got it for 400RMB.
The room was on the top floor, the 9th. We stepped off the elevator and turned away from the long hallway to walk to the shorter hallway with only one room in it. We opened the door and nearly fell down.
It was definitely the best room in the place, the Presidential suite according to HouLi. The entire room was beautiful. There was a dining room, with china cabinets along the wall and decorative knick-knacks. There was Perrier in the little fridge. There were picture windows over looking the city. There was a sofa and chair in the living room with a fine tea setting prepared on it. An executive desk sat in another section of the great room. A wide-screen TV sat against another wall. There was a nice guest bathroom and the bedroom sported a huge bed (still hard, but softer than most), vanity, picture window and wall closet. The cherry on the cake came when we entered the bathroom.
Everyone knows the general concept of a bathroom in China, but this one put American bathrooms to shame. It was larger by itself than the little hotel room we stayed in in Beijing. A large sink and counter with a hair dryer attached to the wall. A toilet, but not just any toilet, this one had a remote control command panel on the side. You could control the bathtub, music, heat and call room service or make a phone call all from the comfort of the john. The bathtub was a Jacuzzi with shower nozzles built into the walls for pulsating bath time fun. There was a foot massager that shot jets of water over your tired dogs and rolled and massaged them. You could play the radio or a CD or make phone calls while you soaked in the tub. Needless to say, HouLi had given us a wonderful wedding gift.
When the door closed we began shooting video (no, not that kind of video Darrell) and taking pictures. Then we quickly jumped into that marvelous bathtub, I wanted to stay there the whole time. Later we ordered room service and had a wonderful meal in our executive honeymoon suite. Too bad we could only stay for one night, but it was a hell of a night.
ShuPing and I ate breakfast in the hotel restaurant. It was a very good buffet and we both filled up. Then we were off to meet HouLi and go to the Snow and Ice Festival. A long ride across town and over the river got us there. Along the way, I saw the first and only car accident I'd see in China. A van appeared to have lost control on the ice and hit the fence and railing on the side of the overpass. It sat sideways in the road as we passed.
Back to the festival, for those who don't know, Harbin has a yearly event where they build a huge display of ice and snow sculptures. These aren't simply small little ice carvings, these are building sized creations that are elaborate and beautiful. This year coming is the year of the monkey and the entrance was a 25 foot monkey head made of snow. Unfortunately, we found out that it was only opened at night and that night was the grand opening so many things weren't ready yet. They wouldn't let us in more than a few feet to take pictures.
Rather than go back to Harbin, we walked across the road to a little ski slope. It was very little, just a small hill with a butt lift to the top. We decided that it would be a good way to give ShuPing the experience of skiing. We paid for an hour and got boots, skis and poles. ShuPing managed to do fairly well with only a little instruction from me. There wasn't much hill to ski on, so the few times she did fall it was a sit down not a wipe out.
Living in Colorado, I've become a fair hand at skiing, but I must've looked like a pro to the folks struggling to get down that little hill. I noticed the stares as I followed ShuPing down. It was time to go, so I ran back up the hill (the lift had stopped working) for one more quick run. I gave everyone a good show as I zipped down the hill with perfect form. *Riiiight*
We came back to the city, passing the place where earlier there had been an accident with a van. It had been close to 2 hours since we had passed that way and the van was still sitting in the same spot. Talk about slow recovery.
HouLi took us to a nice restaurant that she said served real authentic Chinese country cookin'. There were some good dishes and there were some not so good. HouLi's husband joined us and ordered beef tongue (I think that's what it was). He said it was a well liked Chinese country dish. I let him have all he wanted since I didn't want it.
Soon it was time for HouLi to go to work and we were to go to the hotel to check out. We ended up taking too long to check out and missed our train, something ShuPing said she never did before. We had to see some rail road official to get the ticket renewed for the next train to QiQiHaer.
5. Marriage Prep
Once we got on the train, we were assigned seats in the dining car, which was not going to be used for passenger meals. The dining room car was pretty cold , but at least I didn't have to search for leg room. This train was also not the express train, so it stopped at every little station along the way. We enjoyed a nice, quiet and somewhat private train ride back to QiQiHaer.
Prior to going to Harbin we had gone to a photographer and had some pictures taken. When ShuPing asked me if we could have some pictures taken I had no idea what we were really doing.
We stopped in the photographer's studio, which looked more like a bridal shop, to pick out the package. ShuPing talked to the sales girl for several minutes and then asked me if I thought we could afford the photo package she was pointing out. It was all in Chinese so I asked her what it included, she said this, this, and this, showing me the little picture on the brochure. The actual cost escapes me now, but it seemed reasonable enough so I agreed.
The next day we went for the pictures. I assumed we would be there for a short time, 2 or 3 poses and be done with it. I should have grasped the magnitude when ShuPing said one of the girls would be making her hair and face up. I won't go into all the details, but we each got made up and each had 5 costume changes before the 5 hour ordeal was over.
The reason we couldn't stay in Harbin any longer was because we had to go and pick out the pictures we wanted. No problem, she is very beautiful and very photogenic. I, on the other hand, had too much make-up on. All in all, the pictures were really nice.
A few days later we went to pick up the finished products - 1 huge (apprx 50"X 40") picture, in a gold frame, another large (apprx 35"X 28") picture in a gold frame, an 8X12 of ShuPing and a really nice, hard cover wedding album with many assorted pictures. Unfortunately it contained a lot of poor or misplaced English in it.
Examples include: "I fear no longer your small."; "I love you when the brushing of the rain"; "Fresh Fashions for Spring"; "give me, I keep you satisfy, one more chance to keep you satisfy"; and my two personal favorites - "Solo Love" and "Right here wailing".
Now I'm not complaining, I think it is a very sweet book and the sentiments come from the right place, so who could complain. But it does crack me up. I can only imagine the butchery I would do if I attempted the same thing in Chinese. I thought I might be able to make a few RMB if I went around and sold my English editing services to various businesses. Of course, who in China knows or cares if the words are right?
Back in QiQIHaer there were many things to do for the wedding. We had to buy bedding for our wedding bed and red shoes for ShuPing. I was constantly impressed by the customer service and the way there are sales people for every item in the store.
We also bought rings. Nothing elaborate, white gold, a small 1/4 karat solitaire for her and a thin band for me with diamond cuts in it. Wedding paraphernalia, like foil designs and streamers, red matches and confetti, flags for the cars and silly string.
We decorated our room in red, of course. Red sheets, red comforter, red pillow cases. Foil designs on the closets, windows and doors. Red streamers on the ceiling with a red paper ball hanging in the center. We were doing it right.
6. Wedding Day
The morning of the wedding had finally arrived. I had my instructions. I was to be taken in the rented car to Mama's house, go and knock on the door and call out, "Mama! Come in!" (or it could've been a Chinese phrase that sounded like come in, maybe one of you guys know). When the door opened, I was supposed to give the person opening the door a red envelope with 10RMB in it. There was a whole list of things I was supposed to do, but even armed with this info, I still felt lost and unsure about what I was going to do.
We woke up early on the morning of Dec 24th. ShuPing left about 7AM to go get ready, her niece picking her up from the apartment. I, on the other hand, had to put on my red wedding jacket, black pants, red socks and red underwear and wait patiently until 9 to be picked up. Gradually the place began to fill with more and more people. There was a guy with a video camera and a photographer taking shots of the bedroom and decorations and the nervous groom. Fortunately, ShuPing's niece FongShu was there with her limited English ability.
The appointed time finally arrived, 9AM and I was ready to get the party started. I was escorted downstairs by assorted family and friends to a black Honda Accord with flowers all over it. Stopping only long enough to get a picture in front of it. Off to Mama's house we went.
We turned into the dirt road of Mama's neighborhood and were directed through the maze of little houses. The closer we got the more people directed us until finally we parked to an audience of about 25 people waiting patiently in the cold.
I walked to the front door and it was wide open, no need to knock or slip anyone a 10. The place was packed with wedding guests, but there, on the bed/platform in the living room, sat my beautiful bride. Resplendid in her white wedding dress and just as nervous as I. I walked in, smiling like an idiot and attempted to hook the red corsage on her dress. This was difficult as there was nowhere to hook it and no safety pin to pin it. When that didn't work, some one called for a pin and I was told to light a cigarette for Mama.
Mama was sitting in a chair behind me with a cigarette and I lit it. She took a puff and passed it to someone. She handed me a red envelope and I handed her my red envelope and the deal was done. ShuPing was mine. (OK, she was mine before then, but it was one of those surreal moments when things aren't quite what they seem).
I wasn't done yet. I still had to put on the red shoes. I slipped them on her feet, reached into my pocket and pulled out the coins I had been given earlier, I threw them on the bed as I had been instructed and then turned to my lovely bride. She put her arms around me and I picked her up. More pictures were taken and then it was off to the waiting Honda.
Now, here is a fine point that I don't think I will ever understand about China. I am 6'2" and bigger than everyone I met over there, but not that much bigger. My brothers-in-law are right around 6' for instance. Why are the doors made so short? A 5'6" doorway? Thank God ShuPing is a light woman. Fortunately, I was able to carry her through the 3 short doors that stood in my path to the car and never let her slip.
We stood in front of the car for more photo opps before we got in and proceeded, with paparazzi escort, to the banquet hall. (No kidding, the 2 folks with video cameras - one of them mine - were in a van ahead of us with the hatchback open and the cameras rolling).
ShuPing told me we had to wait before we could get out. I looked and saw her brothers unrolling something in front of the doors. No, not a red carpet. I realized what they were about the time the firecrackers started popping. There were 2 rolls about 10' each popping like crazy! People were plugging their ears and turning away. I swear the firecrackers popped for a good minute straight. Then, at the end, were 2 boxes. These boxes contained M-80s or the Chinese equivalent, they exploded with 2 and 3 loud booms on each. I thought that was the coolest thing I'd seen, and heard, in a long time.
We got out of the car and were immediately showered with confetti and sprayed with silly string. People were cheering as we were directed inside the banquet hall.
We entered the large banquet hall and went right into a side room where a sofa and some desks were. We sat down and waited as people came in and out. The photographer took some pictures and we had to provide our little red books to the guy I assumed was the priest or minister. I made arrangements for the sound guy to play our song when it was time for the first dance.
There was a live band that played a few songs while we waited and a karaoke machine that played something funky like, "She'll Be Comin' 'Round The Mountain" or "My Darling Clementine". Finally we were asked to walk to the back of the hall.
We walked to the back of the hall and I met with ShuPing's nephew's wife, an English teacher. I had met her the night before and she was to be my interpreter. We waited for the announcement and began walking to the sound of "Here Comes The Bride". We reached the stage and stepped up.
The announcer (I'll call him "Mr. MC") talked for a few minutes, introducing us. He asked us a few questions which my interpreter deciphered for me. The questions centered around how we had met and how could two people, so different and from so far apart, fall in love. He talked quite a bit and then we exchanged rings. I expected to exchange vows or say some things, but Mr. MC never mentioned anything of the sort, but he did talk a lot.
Finally he invited us to dance and announced us as Mr. and Mrs. The song we had chosen was the Chinese version of Coco Lee's "A Love Before Time" from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. (OK, it was my choice, but she definitely agreed with it.) It isn't a very easy song to dance to, but we could barely hear it anyway since Mr. MC kept talking. Didn't matter though, I was in another place, far away, with an angel in my arms.
Soon the music stopped and we went back in to the side room. A few minutes passed and ShuPing's niece came in to take her away. I sat alone for several minutes as the band played and Mr. MC sang. Soon ShuPing returned and was wearing her red wedding dress. Talk about your China dolls! She was simply beautiful.
We went out again, this time directly to the stage. Mr. MC talked some more and then asked us to make a toast "American" style. Huh? Do we, as Americans, have "a toast"? I had no idea what he meant. Through the interpreter, I gathered that he wanted us to clink glasses. We were also supposed to do the intertwined arms toast as well. This proved to be comical as I had to squat down to be on the same level as ShuPing.
Then we had bowing to do. Mama was called up to the stage, interviewed, and then ShuPing and I had to bow 3 times to her to show our respect. Then we bowed to our guests 3 times. Then we bowed to each other 3 times. It was at this point that I began to feel hungry. There was all this food on all these tables and a table reserved for us, but every time we sat down to eat, after the bowing, we had to get up.
We had to go to all the tables and make toasts with all the guests. We drank Coke, they drank many different things. There were 10 or 11 tables and we hit each one of them. I'd never drank so much Coke.
There were so many people and I knew nearly none of them. Still, it was nice to have so many people share our special event with us. Then it was time to take pictures with them all. The photo op took at least 30 minutes and during that time I became more and more hungry. Finally, the last of the pictures were being taken. Then I realized that they were also taking the food.
I saw things being boxed up and I thought maybe they were saving it for us. It was quite the spread, and I was hungry, so maybe you can imagine why I was apprehensive about the meal.
So, once the pictures had been taken and most people were walking out the door, ShuPing's niece ushered us to the elevator. I asked my new wife what we were going to do, she said, "We go to eat some somethings". My hunger pangs disappeared immediately.
We went to a private room attended by a few brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and the photographer. I was happy to see the large, round table filled with delicious looking food in the middle of the room; I could hardly wait to get to it.
We had squid soup, pork ribs, beef, fish, vegetables of various sorts, some kind of caramel covered potato type thing and finally the jiao dz (pot stickers or filled dumplings for those who aren't familiar with the Chinese name). Almost all meals are accompanied by jiao dz, but we had several different types for this meal. It really was a special feast.
For those who don't know about dining in China, the various dishes of a meal are served in separate bowls on the table and everyone uses their chop sticks to take mouthfuls of what they want to eat. You get a small plate or bowl for rice or to put very small portions on, but no big plates to pile food onto. If the dinner is served at a large table, there is a "lazy Susan" or rotating table sitting on the table. It makes it much easier to eat from all the dishes at the table.
When we finished eating we sat for a few minutes to let the food digest and for some to smoke and then it was time to leave. We walked out of the banquet hall to a photo opp with the blow up Santa that stood outside. The rented car was gone and we, along with the photographer and most everyone who ate dinner with us, all jumped into taxi cabs. This was another one of those "I guess I'm just along for the ride" trips. I had no idea where we were going or why.
A few short minutes later we stopped outside a local shopping mall. I figured I was about to spend more money for something, but we walked into the middle courtyard of this open-air mall. The temperature was 5 to 10 degrees and everyone had coats but ShuPing and I. There was a sense of urgency for this reason, but I still didn't know what the heck we were doing.
This courtyard area is plush and green all year long, thanks to the modern miracle of plastic. There are different types of artificial trees there and at night the palm trees are lit with colored flood lights. There is a playground for the kiddies and park benches to sit on. The place looks nice, the thing is, there's nobody there because of the frigid cold. No one, that is, except us. We were a source of great interest to anyone walking by. I finally figured out what we were doing when I was told to sit on the park bench with ShuPing. We were there to have our pictures taken.
The photographer and our niece snapped a couple of pictures and we were captured forever in the illusion of eternal spring. (Except for the bit of snow on the ground and the redness of our cheeks). We quickly made our way back to the taxi, but stopped just long enough to get a couple of more pictures in front of an ice sculptured lion. We jumped into the taxi and headed back to her sister's apartment.
There were more pictures taken of us in the honeymoon room, fun poses this time. We each received an apple to eat as wedding gifts. Apparently more good luck for the marriage. We hung out for a few hours and had a rest. ShuPing informed me that tradition called for Mama to spend the night with the newly weds. Huh? It was not that big a deal because our wedding night/honeymoon had really been spent in Harbin.
7. Wedding Night and the Next day
As night came it was time to eat again. We walked Mama across the street and down the block to a nice restaurant. We all sat around 2 very large tables and feasted again. ShuPing and I were each given a large bowl of soup. It had a tasty broth and some veggies in it, but it also had one long, thick, flat noodle. I bet the thing was at least 8 feet long. I was told that we had to eat the whole bowl of soup to ensure we would have a happy marriage. More good luck, at this rate we were the luckiest couple in the world. Yes, we did manage to eat the whole thing.
With our stomachs full to bursting and our wedding night upon us, we left the restaurant. ShuPing told me that we had to go get our hair washed. Hmmm, OK. I assumed that we would go back to the public baths, but no, we were going to a beauty salon. ShuPing and I and Mama, she needed her hair washed too.
We walked Mama out of the restaurant and, amazingly, it was snowing. It was a nice snow and a heavy snow, big flakes falling fast, but without any wind. I had dreamed of a white Christmas - how perfect was this?
The beauty salon was an experience in itself. We all sat down in the hair washing stations. They washed our hair without using any more water than what was in the watered down shampoo. The wash included a scalp and back massage. Our hair was rinsed in a sink and then we were handed over to a guy with a blow dryer. Soon we had nice, clean, styled hair.
The one thing I noticed about the hairdressers and other shops in China is that everyone seems to have a part of what is typically a one person job here in the states. The hair washers, the hair stylist, the cashier, all were different people. I suspect that if we were to have our hair cut, we would've seen yet another person. I found it interesting and no doubt due to the number of people who need jobs in China.
Most mornings spent at ShuWei's (ShuPing's sister) home, we woke up and ShuPing insisted that we brush our teeth and wash our face. Not a problem, morning breath is a health hazard, but I always like to eat first, then brush. Eating first allows you to taste the food you're eating and then brush it all away. ShuPing could never understand this.
She also had a hard time figuring out why I didn't want warm water to brush or wash with. I guess I'm just used to running water and would rather face the icy cold water from the faucet than use a pan or cup of warm water. She finally gave up on me after a week or so of supplying me with a warm cup of water that went down the drain.
We ate a little breakfast and left to go shopping. Apparently another tradition is for the groom to prepare a meal for his in-laws the day after the wedding. I had a menu in mind and we were going to buy what we needed.
The taxi took us to Fu-Mart, China's Wal-Mart. The thing about Fu-Mart is that it is a maze that takes up 3 floors of a building. There were shopping carts on the first floor, but we had to use the escalators and go to the 3rd floor to get a cart, even though the check out was on the 2nd floor.
The top floor contained all the clothes and appliances and non-food items. Then the escalators came down. The wheels of the shopping carts weren't hard rubber like an American cart; they're more like two metal disks that are about an inch apart. I figured out why when we got to the cart escalator. It's like a conveyor belt, not like stairs, but it has grooves in it and the wheels, or disks, fall into the grooves and then it gets stuck there. You can go down this incline, lean on your shopping cart and not roll anywhere.
The other cool thing about the shopping carts is that all the wheels turn. You can be headed in one direction and move your cart 90 degrees to the left or right without turning. It's very useful when you've got someone standing in front of you, blocking your aisle.
Anyway, Fu-Mart is a far cry from the little corner grocery shops on the corner; they truly are a "super market". They had a bakery, meat and produce departments. They also have the shelves stocked with canned and dry goods. They also have many things that you'd never find in an American grocery store - live fish, crabs, frogs and turtles. They even had a nice sized, live trout that I almost bought.
Anyway, I had omelets, sausage and pancakes on the menu. We found most all of the ingredients I needed. No syrup, so we used honey. No baking powder, but we used baking soda. Otherwise we found everything else, everything except the cheese, we forgot to get cheese. I was a little upset because an omelet isn't an omelet without cheese.
The sausages weren't spiced at all, so they proved to be more like spam, but the rest of the meal turned out near perfect. I am a pretty good cook and I had to improvise some, but no problem. I even mastered making the omelets and pancakes flat in a wok, not an easy task.
Mama and TeJie (I think that's right for oldest sister), a 6 year old grand nephew, ShuPing and I ate a very good meal. The little boy really liked the pancakes and honey. Everyone else claimed to like the whole meal. I was right pleased with myself.
That afternoon Mama went home and ShuPing and I had some time to ourselves. It was the first time we could relax together as man and wife. No pressing plans to make and nothing to follow up on. It was nice and we took advantage of the time to fall in love a little more.
8. Playing The Star
That night we were to meet TeGuo and several other family members at a hotel for dinner and the go dancing. We did. It was another great meal. This time the feature dishes turned out to be bear meat and some kind of fish. ShuPing told me the fish was very special and that I should eat it, so I did. Half way through the meal, I noticed that the fish was half gone and needed to be turned over. The shape of the meat and the thin, finger-like cartilage running through it reminded me of something. I asked ShuPing if the fish had big teeth and was very mean, she said yes, that's what it is, shark. It was really good, so was the sweet bear meat.
Everyone was very lose and we were all drinking that Chinese liquor, (the bottle I have at home has "Gujinggongjiu" written on it). Soon the conversation got to displays of public affection. I think ShuPing mentioned something about my penchant for it - and my reluctant restraint since coming to QIQiHaer. That kind of thing, she says, is not very acceptable for respectable Chinese people.
This got TeGuo going. He spoke Chinese and I don't know what he said, but if I had to interpret it into English, I would say it went something like, "Are you kidding? I can kiss my wife anytime, even in public, just watch". With this he proceeded to give his wife a kiss on the cheek.
I told him, no, no, this is a real kiss and I laid a good lip lock on ShuPing. Turning back to him I said, "Go ahead, and show us a real kiss". His wife looked like she would punch him if he did, but he tried anyway. She struggled a bit, but good naturedly took a quick one and then pushed him away. This, of course, brought a loud round of applause and cheers.
Now it was SuhJie (ShuWei) and SuhJieFu's turn. They are pretty conservative and he was not nearly as toasty as we were, but they gamely kissed on the cheek. We gave them more encouragement and they kiss on the lips, but reluctantly. Unfortunately, for them, my camera was slow with the flash and I needed to take several pictures before I got one that was good enough.
The meal was great and we had a really good time, but it was time to move on to the dancing. We walked a few blocks in the serious cold and came to what I thought was another hotel. What it turned out to be was a karaoke lounge. This place had separate rooms, each with it's own karaoke machine and accompanying TV. We closed the door and commenced to have a little dancing and singing party.
The first music played was techno and I showed them how to dance to it, well, at least I showed them how I think you dance to it. It got crazy. ShuPing's niece's husband, a big guy who is in the Chinese army and I started slamming each other. I had to show him how to do it, but he soon got the idea. Fortunately, since we were both drunk, it didn't last long. Later TeGuo attempted it and ended up jut falling all over the place so that didn't last long either.
FongShu, ShuPing's 20 year old niece had some moves and wanted to dance, so we danced a little and ShuPing picked up some of her moves and we really had fun.
I was happy to see that there were English songs on the machine, quite a few as a matter of fact. I don't have the greatest voice in the world, but I'm not bad within a small range. I sang several songs, including, "Twist and Shout", "Honky Tonk Woman", "Time In A Bottle", "Your Song", "Wooly Bully", "Rocky Mountain High" and "A Whiter Shade of Pale". ShuPing and I tried "My Heart Will Go On" and I got everybody going on "Hey Jude". The best was when I got down on one knee and sang "(I Cant Help) Falling In Love With You" to ShuPing, everyone hooted and hollered over that one.
Soon the night was over and we all went home, but a strong bond was formed and I can't wait to get back there and teach them how to line dance.
Well, the karaoke was Christmas night and we planned to go back to Beijing on the 27th. ShuPing told me that we needed to go to Mama's house to give her 3 gifts, another tradition. So on the 26th we just hung out before going shopping. We bought a few simple things, powdered milk, liquor and a cake from Holiland, a little chain bakery just in front of the apartment building.
We had an early dinner/lunch at Mama's and spent some time there with the family. I was pretty attached to them by now. We watched a VCD of our wedding. Apparently the guy who video taped the thing had it transferred to VCD, something I was suprised to see. We went through a few things, what things of ShuPing's would I take and what would I leave behind? I just kept thinking I would have too much to take back with me.
That night we lent back to the apartment fairly early, around 5 pm. The electricity went out and we left thinking it would be on when we came back. I wanted to hit the computer kiosk, show her some things (like the Candle) and print out the I-130 for her to sign. We each checked our e-mail and I finally got some football news. My fantasy football teams went straight to hell, but knowing that the Broncos were in the playoffs was cool. Unfortunately, when I tried to pull up the printable I-130, I found that they didn't have Adobe loaded on the computer, nor did they have a printer, so that idea went out the window.
We spent a couple of hours on the computer and decided we'd have a late dinner. I had seen a restaurant across the street that advertised western food. I suggested that we go there. I figured I'd eaten enough Chinese food to get a good idea of what it was. We were seated in a cozy, private room and given a menu. Of course it was in Chinese and I had no idea what was western food and what wasn't.
ShuPing translated what she could, but all she could tell me was, this is chicken, this is beef, etc. I told her to order some beef, some chicken, but I really had no idea what she was getting.
When the waiter began bringing food, the first thing he brought was a huge bowl of cubed ice cream. Hmmm, OK. He brought some kind of chicken dish, some vegetables and then some thin steaks smothered in garlic, and finally a big fruit salad. There really was nothing western about it, except that we had silverware. I love watching ShuPing try to use a fork as much as she enjoys watching me use chop sticks.
The food was good, but the company was better. I really enjoyed having the quiet time with my wife. We talked about our childhoods and various memories of our families. She is very funny, inquisitive and sincere. We drank 2 bottles of Harbin beer, OK, I drank most of it, but if she had drunk any more, I would've had to carry her out of the restaurant.
She informed me that most of the restaurants that claimed to serve western food really served Chinese food. I told her I could tell. I told her that in America desert came last and salads came first. Our plates are big and we put our food on the plate to eat it. So when the waiter came to get our money she told him how things are done in America. He left and came back a few minutes later, handed me a cauliflower kitchen magnet and told ShuPing that the owner was grateful for the information. I wonder if they'll change things.
We went back to the apartment to find that the electricity was still out. Not to worry, ShuPing had bought some candles.
The next day was spent cleaning up our stuff and packing for Beijing. I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that I was also packing for home.
There's a certain feeling that goes along with leaving and I wanted desperately to avoid that feeling, but it wouldn't go away.
We had lunch with SuhJie, SuhJieFu and FongShu. My friend had given me $100 to buy him some ginseng root and ShuPing had arranged for SuhJieFu to pick up the best, he came back with 8 boxes. It turned out to be the display cases with the certified ginseng sewn to red velvet. I just stared at it, bewildered. I had no idea how I would get it home.
We left the apartment with luggage in hand and headed to Mama's again. Once there we began packing things in earnest. ErGuo had bought a couple of burlap type suitcases and a tube to carry our portraits in. I packed them to the max. We ate dinner and it was time to leave.
We were escorted to the train station by the whole family, minus mama. We waited together fo a good hour before it was time to board the train. I had come with 2 suitcases, I was leaving with 4. They helped us get on the train and then stood outside the train for 15 mins in the frigid cold.
There are people you meet in your lifetime who come and go with very little impact on you. Then there are those who come into your life and leave a lasting impression. My new family welcomed me in and I will never forget them. ShuPing and I sat at the window as they stood outside and I felt my throat close up and the tears well in my eyes. ErGuo hid behind a pillar to hide his tears, TeGuo put his hand to the glass to touch mine on the other side. Sisters cried and our grand nephew waved sadly, not really understanding why I was leaving.
The train pulled away from the station and I tried to snap one last picture, but the flash reflected off the window and all I have is a blurred last image of my new family.
The train ride to Beijing was fairly uneventful. I was really tired for some reason and so I fell asleep pretty quickly. ShuPing talked with our compartment/bunk mates and I drifted off. She woke me up to ask me for her toothbrush or something (I was laying on our valise and jackets), but I was only aware that she climbed up on the bunk over my head and I was out again.
I woke up around 3 AM, hoping that ShuPing would wake too and we could watch the moon and talk again as we had on our way to QiQiHaer. Alas, it was not to be. Instead I listened to a George Strait CD and looked out the window alone.
I went back to my hard, hot bunk (everything was piled up over the heater and it was getting really warm). When I woke again, ShuPing was awake and we chit-chatted a little, snuggled a little and looked out the window a little. I suggested she call Mr. Lo, our ever dutiful taxi driver and she did, saying he would meet us. We arrived in Beijing around 9:30 AM.
My biggest concern was trying to lug all of our (my) luggage from the train platform to the taxi. It took us two trips to get it off the train. ShuPing didn't want to spend the money, but I hired a boy with a cart after about 15 feet of struggling with the bags. They were doing some kind of construction on the platform and it was crazy. He got us to the taxi stand for about 12 RMB.
And there, right next to the curb, amid the throng of a hundred taxis, stood Mr. Lo, our ever reliable driver and resident angel. Amazingly, out of a quarter mile of possibility, he was right in the spot we had walked to. We loaded the bags and he pulled out into the mass of taxis. There we waited about an hour. I'll never understand why they don't have a thru-lane for drivers with passengers, but they don't. You have to wait until the guy up front gets passengers and leaves so the next guy can get passengers and go. Still it gave us some time to show Mr. Lo some of our wedding pictures.
Mr. Lo took us back to the same hotel we had stayed in before (one day I'll ask ShuPing the name of that hotel). When I attempted to pay Mr. Lo, he wouldn't take it. He said it was a wedding gift.
HouLi had made arrangements with her sister to meet us in Beijing and bring the original marriage documents to us. I had assumed that the little red books we got were enough, no we needed the actual marriage certificates.
We showered and waited for her to come to our hotel room and when she did, we went to lunch in the little restaurant next to the hotel. She had asked me if I liked duck, I said I did and so that's what she ordered for our meal. When they brought it out it was sliced nicely into medallions and placed neatly on the plate with two baked duck heads facing each other on top. My first taste of Peking duck.
The meal was pleasant and HouLi's sister was quite nice, even paying for lunch. ShuPing had told her of our intention to visit the Forbidden City and the Summer Palace. She suggested that we go to the Forbidden City that night.
We did just that. We got there about an hour and a half before it was to close. When I got out of the taxi, (we apparently gave Mr. Lo a couple days off), I saw a white lady with four children. I deduced that the lady was American, from her voice and asked where she was from. She replied that she lived in ShangHai, but they were from Denver. Amazed, I told her I lived in Arvada and we both laughed at the coincidence.
We toured the Imperial Palace too quickly. We saw all the main attractions, but each for only a brief moment. We were even way-laid by a young guy who spoke very good English. He said he was an art student, his class was about to go to San Francisco and wanted to get my opinion about his paintings. He wanted to know if they would appeal to Americans. We followed him to a room filled with some really nice paintings, he explained the art to us, the different types and meanings behind some of them. Then came the sales pitch. It was a scam, but the paintings were original and he offered them at a great price. We still turned him down, but if I'd had more time and money....
My video camera was out of film, but I did get some great shots on the digital camera. I was disappointed that we didn't have more time to see it, it truly is a beautiful place. You can feel the history all around you as you walk through it. We returned to the hotel and prepared for dinner.
ShuPing and I returned to the hotel, tired from our whirlwind tour of the Forbidden City. When she asked if I was hungry I told her I was and that I wanted to take her somewhere to eat Italian food, I had to open my Chinese phrase book to help explain what I was talking about. She decided to call the front desk to find out if they knew where one was.
We were told that the shopping center a few blocks away had such a restaurant. We headed over to the shopping center, but all we found was a food court and there was no Italian food there. Now the search began.
We asked tree taxi driver's before we found one that thought he could find Italian food for us. He got on his cell phone and called several people and then said he thought he knew where it was. We headed towards Tiennamin Square and around in circles before the driver stopped and made another phone call or two. He assured ShuPing that he wouldn't charge us if he couldn't find it. I began to wish for Mr. Lo.
Finally, after a good 30 minutes of confusion, we found ourselves in a part of Beijing where the hotels were tall, limos pulled up in front of them and Americans sat in the restaurants. We got out with assurances that the restaurant was right in the area. I looked up at one of the buildings and saw a large, neon Pizza Hut sign, but that's not really Italian, so I passed on it.
We walked to a few places, looked at the menus and found nothing but Chinese food, expensive Chinese food (which, to the uninitiated, is really not that expensive). We almost went into a dance club (I think it was a strip club, but I couldn't tell. The door was attended by a bevy of beauties dressed in very long fur coats.)
Finally, we ended up at a very nice looking French restaurant. We entered, sat down and looked at the menu, lo and behold there was an Italian dish, roasted chicken breast in a spicy Alfredo sauce with fettuccini. I knew this because the menu was in English. I ordered the meal for both of us, a nice Chardonnay to go with it.
I joked that her she was eating an Italian dinner in a French restaurant in Beijing with an American, how much more international could she get? The breast was good, though a little bit tough. The fettuccini she enjoyed, especially the sauce and the veggies on the side rounded it off. ShuPing didn't care for the wine, but I had really waned to order something sweeter, so that was my fault.
This best, however, was watching her with the knife and fork. ShuPing told me that she wants to learn American customs and the right way to do in America. Now she can use a fork, but she wanted to hold it properly and use it the correct way. I showed her, but she struggled with it. Towards the end she was doing great.
I don't think she was too impressed with the meal, neither was I, but we had different reasons. She seemed to dislike the presentation of the food and the need to concentrate on how she was eating. She also didn't like the wine, but insisted on drinking it anyway, she got a little tipsy. I just didn't think the food was that great. I really wanted to find spaghetti for her to experience.
We left and decided to go see a movie, but never found a theater. Instead, we went shopping for gifts. We browsed a couple of shops and then found some things to buy. We hailed a taxi and headed back to the hotel after a very long day.
Morning came and we ate breakfast at the hotel, ran over to the ATM and got some money, hailed a taxi and we were off to see the Summer Palace. We got there, paid our money and went in.
The Summer Palace is beautiful, spread out over a 12 square mile area and overlooking Kunming Lake, it is one of the best things I saw in China. I learned a lot about the history of the last emperors. We saw the opulent lifestyle of Cixi, the empress. She used the money that should have gone to build up the Chinese navy to build this incredibly beautiful but unnecessary royal resort.
Needless to say, there was a lot of walking involved. There was also a lot of climbing to be done too. There is the Tower of Buddhist Incense, which is straight up on top of a really large hill. The climb was worth it, you can see about everything from there. Even though it was wintertime, this is one of the most beautiful places in China. Lots of gardens and palaces. It is definitely a "must-see" if you go to Beijing. (If you're interested you can check out this web
ShuPing's feet began to hurt after being there about 3 hours. Being the American I am, I wanted to push on and see everything, but I saw the complete futility in this kind of thinking and we decided to go back to Beijing.
We exited the nearest gates, which was near Suzhou Street on the north side of the park. The problem was there were no taxis there. We walked into the little town and ShuPing flagged a car down to ask where we could catch a taxi. Apparently, that was a long way off and the guy offered to give us a ride (for 35 RMB) into Beijing as he was going that way anyway. This stuck me as odd because it isn't something you'd readily find in most American suburbs and if you did you would have to question the motives of the driver.
Nevertheless, we hopped in and he took us right to our hotel. He and ShuPing talked quite a bit. She told me they were discussing politics. She asked me questions about what happens to poor people in the United States. She said they were talking about the poverty in Beijing, how there were a lot of very poor people in Beijing because it is so expensive to live there. Relative to the rest of China, Beijing can be quite costly.
We decided to eat lunch instead of going directly back to our hotel room. We ate at the same restaurant we had eaten the day before, the one right next to the hotel. I decided not to order the Peking Duck this time.
This would be our last night together and that thought was starting to seep into my mind more and more often. ShuPing felt it too, but we resolved not to dwell on it, but instead we tried to enjoy our time together.
We relaxed in the hotel room for a few hours, watching TV and napping, ShuPing was very tired. When we re-energized, we decided to go see the movie we hadn't been able to see the night before. ShuPing told me that before we could go to the movie, we had to stop at the drug store. She needed to get a special medication for her sister-in-law that they didn't have in QiQiHaer.
We left the hotel and headed over to the ATM again. We stopped in the department store to buy some candy and then attempted to hail a taxi. This is usually not a problem, but for some reason we were in the wrong place. Taxis were either full and wouldn't stop or they wouldn't stop because we were in the wrong place and they couldn't stop. Persistence pays off though and we finally got the ride we wanted.
ShuPing told the driver where she needed to go and that we planned to go to the movies. He knew of a theater near the drug store and said that the movie "Cell Phone" was really good, he had just seen it. I had hoped to see "Pirates of the Caribbean", I had seen it before and would know what was going on, even if it was in Chinese. I decided that I was in China, I should see a Chinese movie.
We were dropped off near the drug store and directed to the theater. We went to the drug store. I am interested in Chinese medicine and I was somewhat excited about seeing how they were different. I was not disappointed. The front of the store appeared to be dedicated to natural remedies and medicines. I saw dried seahorses, roots, even a lizard fan (two dried out hooded lizards tied together to a stick). There were lots of roots and herbs, but nothing I could identify. They even had a section of specialized teas. They also had the typical, boxed medicines you might find in a western drug store.
We walked across the street to the theater and bought tickets to "Cell Phone". We ad about an hour and a half to kill before the movie started so we walked around to do some window-shopping. I had seen several Dairy Queen's earlier and I had a strong desire for some soft serve ice cream. I asked ShuPing if she knew what Dairy Queen was and she had never heard of it before. The search was on.
Actually, we walked around a little and couldn't find one, so the alternative ended up being a KFC. We had an ice cream cone each and waited for the movie time to arrive. We had about half an hour to be with each other in the KFC. Someone asked the question recently about how to be romantic or what is romance.
Romance is the ability to be with someone you love, no matter where that place is. It's that ability to be together and to feel the love between you and your lover. KFC can be romantic, if you make it that way.
We went into the movie theater, not at all like the megaplex cinemas here in the states, but a small little room with a projector screen on one wall. The back of the room was higher than the front and the seats were bolted down, much like any theater only smaller.
The movie started and ShuPing interpreted a some of the dialogue, but I was able to get the gist of the story. A man, obsessed with his cell phone and women, finds out the hard way that keeping secrets from your wife will get you into trouble. It was actually a good movie and even thought I couldn't understand the dialogue, I could tell there were some very funny parts to it.
When we left, ShuPing told me that many Chinese men are like the man in the movie, they can't keep their pants up. It is one of the reasons that she had never married before, she never felt she could trust a man. I told her that men are men and it's not just a Chinese thing. Many men, not all, cheat on their wives and it doesn't matter where they are from. I think she found that interesting.
We went back to the hotel and prepared everything to leave early in the morning. The plan was to wake up at 6AM, eat at 7 and leave for the airport at 7:30. My flight was leaving at 9:30.
We did wake up at 6:00am, how could we not? I had 2 alarms set and I was so anxious that I woke up 10 mins to 6. I laid there, not wanting to leave my sleeping bride, taking in the feelings and physical sensations that I would miss for the next few months or possibly more.
The alarms went off and we were off. We took no time to think of emotions, we just showered, dressed, packed and avoided the impending separation. ShuPing planned to take an advanced course in nail sculpting in Beijing after I left, so I gave her 1300RMB to finish paying for it.
We were the first ones into the hotel restaurant for breakfast. I took my time eating, knowing that I wanted to keep that one last moment from slipping away from me. Of course time did continue on and about 7:25, we went back to the room to bring our bags down.
Mr. Lo was there to pick us up, punctual as usual. He loaded his taxi and, unfortunately, he had to put two of my bags in the back seat forcing me to sit in the front. My plan was to arrive at the airport at 8:00 for the 9:15 departure time. I didn't take into account that it was rush hour and we were in a very big city.
Mr. Lo did his best to avoid the traffic, taking round about ways that were less congested, but nevertheless I watched the minutes pass by on my watch. 8:00 and then 8:30 passed and we still weren't at the airport. We got there at 8:45 and quickly unloaded my bags. I snapped a quick photo of Mr. Lo, shook his hand, and ran into the airport with my wife.
We stopped long enough to pay for the porter who carried my bags and then the airport tax. I got to the customs area, where ShuPing wasnt allowed to go and I told her I would check my bags and come back to her. She said she would wait.
I got to the check-in counter at about 8:50 and checked my four bags. Unfortunately, I had to pay extra for two of them, there was a two limit max on checked baggage, anything over that is $130 per bag. I had no American money, only Chinese RMB, so I asked if I could pay with that. The ticket agent told me that would be fine, but she would have to convert the amount into RMB.
When that was done, she wanted about 2100RMB. Unfortunately, I had given ShuPing most of my RMB for the nail class. I was about 600RMB short. My credit card was maxed out and I had an unknown amount of money in my checking account, so my only recourse was to go back and get some of that money from my wife. I informed the ticket agent that I would have to run back and she said she would go with me, but I had to really hurry because the plane would start boarding in 15 minutes and I still had to go through customs and security.
Rushing back to where Id left ShuPing, I found her still waiting. I quickly told her that the bags cost more than we had anticipated and I needed more money to pay for them. Speaking English quickly to someone whos English is marginally conversational is pointless. I had to repeat myself slowly, I was not in slow mode at that moment, so I took an extra breath. The girl behind me tapped her foot in mock patience while I tried again to explain. This time she got it and gave me the money she had. I counted out what I needed and gave the rest back to her. I kissed her quickly on the cheek and told her I would try to come back to say goodbye.
I ran quickly back to the ticket counter with the young ticket agent right on my heels. I paid the money and the bags were checked. I got my boarding pass and asked how much time I had. The ticket girl told me it was 9:05 and I must hurry through customs and security before I missed my plane. I headed off to the customs counter with my heart heavy with regret and anxiety.
I quickly got through the necessary delays and made it to the concourse as the business class passengers were boarding. I bought a phone card and frantically attempted to call ShuPing, but a message by a Chinese telephone operator, informed me that something was wrong with the way I dialed or that her phone was off, I really had no idea what the message was. I clearly understood what it meant though, my wife was waiting for me to come back to kiss her goodbye and I couldnt go back to her.
I boarded the plane hoping she could know the sadness I was feeling. My last look at her had been a quick glance over my shoulder as I ran to check my bags and catch my plane. I wanted to run up and tell the pilot to hold the plane while I went back to her one more time. Instead, I pulled out my journal and wrote her a letter.
My flight to Tokyo was quick and uneventful. When I got to Narita airport, I had a short layover and bought a calling card there. I struggled with using it too, until a friendly girl explained it to me. I called ShuPing and she answered. She had waited for me to return, but when I didnt, she understood. She had asked Mr. Lo to take her to a place where she could watch the planes take off. When she was walking back to the cab, she fell and banged her knee on the sidewalk.
The remainder of my flight was fairly routine. I re-entered the country through Seattle with no real problems. The customs agents were impressed with the amount of ginseng I was bringing back with me, but otherwise there were no problems. I had about a five-hour layover in Seattle.
I got back to Denver to find that two of my bags were missing, but they turned up after about an hour search. My mother and son picked me up and my first China adventure was over. Fortunately, my life with ShuPing has just begun.
